Where has the time gone?

It has been a year since Kim passed away. I marked the day by attending the memorial mass I had requested at St, John Neumann parish (Grandma Sue was there, too!), and then by visiting her grave – despite the fact that Sheila and I had just been there the day prior to place grave blankets and wreaths on the family graves there and at the graves of her late husband and oldest sister. The day was unremarkable, save two rather odd occurrences. Well: maybe three.

The first was last night, on the couch at Sheila’s house watching TV. I was resting my head on her shoulder when I felt this sudden urge to know the time, ostensibly because I had to leave so that I could get to bed and get enough sleep to drive Vanessa to school in the morning! I was certain that I had to do that! But I didn’t. Vanessa was not at my house; Jeanette was not at work. And the time this urge was upon me? 11:05 pm. This time is significant: Per my sleep tracking app, I fell asleep at 11:05 pm 30 November 2020 and woke up at 2:42 am 1 December 2020 to find that Kim had passed. After that, I fully expected that I would snap awake at 2:42 am, but that did not happen – or, at least, I have no memory of it happening.

The second was when I went to transfer my daughter’s laundry this afternoon. As I was surveying the room, my eyes locked onto an empty Labatt’s Blue can, plain as day, out in the open very near the dryer. I had swept the laundry room clean of these long ago – or so I thought.

And the (maybe) third was at her memorial mass where, through the prayers of the faithful, I learned that the man who owned the boarding farm where Kim had kept her horses for decades had recently passed away. Tom, and his late wife Sue, were wonderful people – more like family than someone we were conducting business with. Kim was very close to them. I was sorry to hear the news.

Otherwise, the day was unremarkable. I set about making a loaf of sourdough Italian bread, chatted with Jillian before she left for class, and helped Kenny out with an issue he asked for my assistance with. I spent a few minutes tying up a couple more loose ends at work (T Minus 30 days now to my official retirement date, though I’m burning up all of my vacation time currently…), and, having some time to spare, I went to visit Sheila’s late husband’s grave site – after all: Kim and Eric are responsible for our new relationship, just as Denny and Mary were responsible for the start of Kim’s and my relationship so many years ago.

Tonight, Sheila and I will go out to dinner – her suggestion as a way to keep my mind off of my loss and to celebrate Kim. Not sure where we will end up for that. Probably Antonio’s, where Sheila and I first met face to face. Or, maybe Texas Roadhouse – one of Kim’s favorites. I’m not sure yet…