What I miss most

Many miss Kim’s laugh. Her warmth. For some of my family and friends, it was her creativity and intelligence. For me, it’s a lot simpler. I miss holding her hand.

We held hands everywhere. We held hands across the console whenever we were driving. We held hands when we went on our walks. Shopping. Across the table when we’d go on our “dates” away from the kids. Even as she lay dying, we held hands – even after she no longer held mine back.

My hand is empty now, a metaphor of the place in my heart once occupied by the living Kim.

Happy Friday!

I honestly cannot say why, but I have been in an outstanding mood all day today! I thought I would be in the doldrums because Jeanette, Jillian, and Vanessa left in the wee hours of the night for a pageant in Nashville, so I wouldn’t have my darlin’ daughter to talk to through the day, but it hasn’t been a bad day in the least.

The only time I choked up a bit was discussing my buddy’s elderly mother-in-law, whose body is shutting down. His description of what she’s going through reminded me very much of Kim’s last days. That, and his aunt who was a hopeful inspiration to Kim and me – she’s been battling pancreatic cancer for over 7 years – is now on the losing end with metastases in her lungs, and no longer having the will to put up with chemo. But, for flying solo all day today, I have to say it was a VERY good day.

The therapy for the signal imbalance in my ears, too, went very well, and to good effect. Frankly, I think I’m pretty much back in fighting trim – at the very least 98-99%. My PT suggested we continue with the two scheduled sessions next week, and that will likely be that. I like the people there and will miss them. They are friendly and approachable – not at all like the ENT who sent me there.

Excepting the two bits of bad news for my buddy, I’m hoping for more and more days like this one.

And, today is Family Friday. It’s Christopher’s turn in the galley, and he’s on a keto diet, so I’m a little curious to see what he has in store for us.

Postscript: Barbacoa! Delicious barbacoa tacos. I ate too much…

Et Tu, Verizon?

Ugh. So the transfer to my new phone did not go as smoothly as Verizon and I had hoped, and they’ve changed their business hours leaving me “phoneless” overnight. Seems texting still works, but various things are sending me notifications that my phone number is no longer recognized by my carrier. Life in the modern age, I guess.

In any case, the phone is wrapped up and is all set up now. I expected it to be a nightmarish ordeal dealing with off-shore support personal reading from some playbook. Surprise, surprise! I was amazed by Verizon’s support! They’re in Georgia – the state, not the country – and they kept with me until it didn’t make sense to do so, but then called me back twice afterward to ensure everything was working OK! Wow! I don’t think I’ve EVER had a support experience like that! And I will keep this in mind whenever a lucrative deal for switching providers come up: they’re worth it! (Not affiliated – I gain nothing from saying this – I was simply amazed!)

My mom’s numbers appear to have improved, and my friend’s mom seems to be improving, praise God!

On that phone: the 12 uses facial recognition. Cool, right? Well, there I was in the grocery store with my shopping list on my phone. And a mask on… So much for not having to type a passcode. Made me miss the thumbprint reader on the 8…

Kim was on my mind today, as usual. A few melancholy moments, but mostly good memories. I was remembering our first winter here, and a MAJOR snow the night before Valentine’s day. I remember the drifts were absolutely huge, and it was right after I had gotten Rocky, a german shepherd mutt from the shelter, for Kim. I went out to shovel, and Kim and Rocky came out to “help.” We ended up in a snowball fight and then just played with the dog in the snow. I don’t recall if we ever cleaned the walk or the drive. I remember us both being laid up with a flu bug a little while later, sleeping the day away. I remember we were both miserable, but, in retrospect, that was likely the best case of the flu I ever endured, having her there with me…

I spent a bit of time working in the kitchen today (Jillian wanted my 7-bean chili for dinner), and there were a few times I swore someone had come up behind me and given me a quick hug. Wishful thinking, I guess. I think I miss those hugs the most.